The firewood guy is the person who orders firewood by phone (first phone call when a new game is started or calls again a few in-game days after the player delivers firewood and saves the game). He looks to be a man in his mid 40s, wearing plaid pants, brown shoes, black socks and a dirty white tank top. He has light brown hair and light brown facial hair. His name is not mentioned in-game, similar to most of the other job-related NPCs. He's seen drinking a bottle of booze, standing out in front of his house.

When the player brings a trailer full of firewood in Kekmet, he will look at the player and motion his arm towards the end of his driveway, signalling for the player to back the trailer into his driveway. After the player dumps the firewood, he will say "Siin o vähän vaivan palakkaa. Osta kaljaa ja makkarroo nii eiköhä sillä pärjää ja suopi tehä... varmaa lissääki tarvihen näitä nii voit- jaksat tehä sitte sillä rahalla ja makkaralla nii, ei muuta ku morjens!", which roughly translates to "Here's your money. With these, you can buy beer or sausages to give you more energy when delivering firewood for me. Goodbye." and hand the player their earned money. The developer ToplessGun has not added English subtitles for the words spoken upon delivery. The only quote he has with an English subtitle is when he is on the phone asking the player for a flatbed of firewood.

This character cannot be killed, although, if hit with an object (sledgehammer, pizza or even if the player walks too close to him) he can pass out and fall to the ground. To fix this, save, as he will respawn alive. If not he will not be there for the next fair few days and/or until the next phone call. Late during the night or early during the morning, he will not be standing in front of his house, most likely inside sleeping.

Phone quotes:

  • "Hi! I would like to buy a flatbed full of firewoods! You can deliver them at any time!"


  • His dialogue is often mistaken to say "macaroni" because of the way he talks, but what he actually says translates to "sausages, so".